


Love is NOT like candy

by RestlessMind



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Original Character(s), Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:49:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25853131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessMind/pseuds/RestlessMind
Summary: Meredith Grey was one of the lucky ones, she had the opportunity to meet and marry the man of her life. Now, Derek is gone and she doesn't feel like loving any man in the same way. Nobody said anything about loving a woman, isn't that right? What happens when a mysterious doctor arrives at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital? What her arrival could change in Mer's life?
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Charlotte Thompson, Meredith Grey/Original Female Character
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys give it a shot! Please, be kind!

**PROLOGUE**

Moving back from Iraq was such a difficult thing for me to do, years have passed and now I was moving again after passing through such a hard time in Florida. All the hurricanes turning the state into my new battlefield and warzone were the trauma I thought I have left behind, buried deep in my past. I was looking for someplace more… Friendly. Enough with the beach, sun, smiley futile girls, and reckless surfers.

When I received a call from Doctor Miranda Bailey, chief of surgery at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, asking me to join the Cardiothoracic Surgery Department of her hospital in Seattle – far away from Florida – I saw the perfect opportunity to start fresh from all the craziness.

I got a fine place, an apartment near the hospital, I had my car and I was looking forward to starting my shift at the hospital on my first day at work. I had some days to drive around the city to know the neighborhood, good restaurants, and good places for me to spend some time outside the apartment.

On my first day at work, I got up early, fixed myself some breakfast, ironed my clothes, and made sure I had everything ready and, inside my purse things were perfectly organized. I left the apartment and drove towards the hospital, Miranda also reminded me, yesterday, where my spot at the parking lot was. I parked and left the car, got inside the hospital with a smile on my face. I was really excited about it.

-Hey, good day love, can you help me, please? – I asked when I got near the receptionist, realizing the British would never leave my manners as the “love” slipped out of my mouth before I could avoid it. She looked up and smiled briefly at me, blood flushing towards her cheeks. – Can you please tell me where Doctor Bailey’s office is?

-Absolutely. You get upstairs, turn right and walk straight forward. – She answered and I nodded politely, trying to memorizer her coordinates. – New here?

-Yes, ma’am. First day.

-Good luck Doctor…? – She asked.

-I’m sorry, I’m Doctor Charlotte Thompson. – I reached out to greet her and she did the same. – Have a good day and thanks for the help.

-You’re welcome, Doctor Thompson. – She answered as I walked away from the counter.

I followed the receptionist’s instructions and in a few minutes, I was knocking at Doctor Bailey’s door. She commanded me to get in.

-Doctor Thompson, here you are! – She said standing up and I got in after closing the door behind me. – I hope you didn’t have much trouble finding my office this morning, I meant to wait for you at the parking lot but you know how stressful a hospital can be, right?

-Absolutely, Doctor Bailey. Don’t worry. – I had a smile on my face and she smiled back. I was trying not to look nervous, but the tiny woman before me was really intimidating, I felt like she was about to lecture me for some accidental mistake I made. – Is there anything I need to do before I start my shift, ma’am?

-Oh, quite the “ma’am”. I just need you to find Doctor Pierce. She is the head of Cardio and she’ll be giving you directions. – She answered and I nodded in agreement. – She will be on the third floor, you take that elevator.

After pointing the way I excused myself and left her office, walking to the elevator. I went to the third floor and had to ask two nurses for Doctor Pierce and after getting lost twice, I finally arrived at the right place.

-Doctor Pierce? – I asked not being sure if the woman was the person I was looking for. She turned around and smiled at me. The woman was beautiful, but also looked like a teenager that shouldn’t be here as she was probably the youngest doctor in the facility. – I am Doctor Charlotte Thompson, first day here.

-Yes! Absolutely! – She was looking at me with such big intense and cheerful eyes and that look was starting to make me uncomfortable. I was glad she reached out so I could grab her hand and dodge those overly spirited eyes. – It’s very nice to finally meet you, I’ve read your articles and reports on cardiothoracic surgery on precarious situations during the war, it really changed how I look at the privilege of having all those equipment, I’m a huge fan of your work.

_Okay, that was somewhat awkward, I was not used to having people complimenting me on anything I did or published outside London ou European Conferences, I’ve always thought as my work as something more local-range. And I do not know how to react to compliments._

-Thank you. – That was the best answer I could pull off.

-I’ll show you the surgical floor, there’s where we spend most of our day. We come to the third floor when we have prescheduled surgery. Here you can look at scans and feel free to make this your own office if you need a break or study any specific case. – She was very receptive and intense, I liked how passionate she was about the job.

She walked away from the room and I followed her, she showed me the floor and introduced me to the nurses assigned to work with our patients; after some minutes we went to the fifth floor – the surgical floor – and she showed me the attendant’s lounge.

-You can change into your scrubs here. There is your cabin. – She pointed to a cubicle part on the left side of the room, it wasn’t much but it was mine, there was even a nametag waiting for me on the wooden background.

There was a couch, a fridge, a table, and some chairs. It was comfy.

-Maggie? I thought I saw you in here. I need a consult. – A short white woman got into the room while looking at her phone. She had short black hair and I got the see the lovely blue eyes before it could focus on us. – Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were busy.

-It’s okay. Amelia this is Doctor Thompson. She is new here. – Doctor Pierce introduced us as she got back to the previous status of excitement while we shook each other’s hands.

-Doctor Shepherd. – The woman said, a smirk appearing on her pink lips. – I think I might use you instead of Pierce, I think it will be a great way for you to start your day off.

-Sure! – I answered with a smile. I ran my hand through my hair removing it from my eyes, it was also a nervous tick. – I’ll just change and I’ll meet you.

-Okay, I’ll be waiting for you at the ER. – Amelia said and I nodded. – That’s on the ground floor, in case you don’t know.

-Thanks. – I smiled. – And thank you, Doctor Pierce.

The girls left so I could change and I did it as fast as I could. I placed the stethoscope in my coat’s lapel and the lantern inside my coat’s chest pocket. After that, I left the room, got in the elevator, and went to the ER.

-Doctor Shepherd said I have a cardio consult. – I muttered to the nurse in the balcony. – Would you mind showing me where to find my patient? I am new here.

-I can see that. – She smiled and gave me a tablet, she taught me how to use the hospital’s software, and then she walked me to my patient’s bed.

My patient was a man, 26 years old, he had a headache and after that started to complain about chest pain.

-I need to order an x-ray and a CT to make sure you have not ruptured anything inside you, sir. – I said and listened to his heartbeat with my stethoscope.

-So, you have met our patient. – Amelia stopped by his bed, her hands on her coat’s pockets. – This is Edwards, she is the resident responsible for this case. She is all yours.

-Edwards, I need you to do an x-ray, a CT, and an echocardiogram. – I said and signed his chart. – Page me when you are done.

The girl took the tablet from my hand and Amelia pointed the way we should walk, I followed her and she started to ask about my previous job, I told her about Florida and she was excited about it when I heard a familiar voice.

-Owen Hunt? – I called his name and the man turned around quickly.

-Oh my God! Charlie! – He came towards me and hugged me. The man was as strong as I remember and easily carried me in his arms while hugging me. I felt a tug on my stomach, a mix of missing and hurting.– Wait, what are you doing here? 

-I work here. First day. – I answered when he returned me to the floor. His ginger hair was definitely thinner, and entrances sprouted from his forehead, but he still had the loving look on his green eyes. Green eyes I’ve loved so much in the past. – If I knew you were working here, I would have come sooner. 

-You guys know each other? – Amelia asked smiling at us.

-We served together in Iraq. Me, Owen and Teddy. We were a great squad. – I smiled and only felt right to leave some parts out, I could see that he agreed with me. – Oh man, it has been a while since we hung out.

-We will be doing that all the time now. – He assured me and I smiled at him. – But I have surgery now Charlie, we talk later?

-Absolutely Hunt. – I smiled at him and he gave me a quick kiss in the cheek before leaving.

Amelia was shocked and I had to explain to her about our time in Iraq together, there were so many things for me to tell her but she was still a stranger, I kept most of our stories to myself avoiding exposing myself to her pity so soon. She needed to sign some paperwork and I asked her directions to the cafeteria, she walked with me halfway and showed me how to get there.

I had my phone on my hand, checking my messages when I bumped into someone.

-I am so sorry. – I said immediately, still startled by the sudden bump.

I grabbed the woman’s hips trying to keep her from falling.

-It’s okay. – She answered.

It only took me a second to realize that I was gazing at the most beautiful woman of all Seattle. I was looking deep inside her piercing blue eyes and she held my gaze as I smiled at her. The woman was so stunning, her short blond hair matched perfectly her amazingly sharp jawline and the pink – clearly soft – lips just brought more life to her face. Even the wrinkles on the side of her eyes just made her more perfect.

-Hi. I am Charlotte Thompson. – I finally said and reached out, she shook my hand and I could almost feel electricity running through my body. I felt like a teenager again.

-Meredith Grey. – She answered, her voice as soft as her touch.

-Sorry for bumping into you Meredith Grey. – I said keeping the smile on my face. It was inevitable. – Still trying to figure things out around this hospital.

-Oh, you are the new cardio girl. – She observed.

-Yep. – I nodded. – Although nobody has called me a cardio girl before.

-My sister, Doctor Pierce, kept talking about your arrival all week long. And please don’t tell her I told you that. – She said in a whisper and I laughed briefly. – I hope you enjoy your time here.

-I can already see I will. – I answered in a flirtatious way.

-I… - she started, frowned, and gave me a shy smile back. – I should go now. Running late.

-See you around, Meredith Grey. – I said and the girl left.

I got into the cafeteria and bought myself a cup of coffee. This doctor, Arizona Robbins, started a conversation with me, and apparently, I was the subject in everyone’s mouth today. The bad part of being the newbie here.

It didn’t matter.

After meeting Meredith Grey, I just _knew_ I’d love Seattle.


	2. IT WAS GREAT TALKING TO YOU TONIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you guys!  
> So, we have an original character on this fanfiction and I will be dancing with time and realtionships differently than those on the original series. A quick-reminder: AU is necessary for me to develop the story, things will make sense eventually. Bear with me, please!
> 
> I hope you guys like it! I'll love to hear your thoughts on this new chapter! 
> 
> Be kind!

-So… - Owen started when we sat in a booth at this Joe’s bar people from the hospital were so in to. – The last time I heard you were in Florida. What made you leave?

-Florida, with all the hurricanes and reckless people, was a warzone all over again and after all the time we spent in Iraq that was the last thing I wanted. – I answered with honesty in my words, but that was not the only reason. – Seattle seems calmer or at least colder. I was done with the hot weather.

-The only thing I can guarantee you is the cold and rainy days. – He muttered and I laughed.

-What about you? Have you been here since the day I came to see you guys? – I’ve visited Owen after he left the army, but I never really thought he’d be staying in Seattle.

-Yes. I came to see my mom and then one thing led to another and when I realized, almost ten years have passed and I am still here. – He shrugged.

-And how is your life in Seattle? – I asked surrendering to curiosity. I was looking at this very familiar man, the same face and body, but he was just so sad and tired, his energy so low I might as well not even know him anymore. The Owen I knew was the opposite of all that.

-I got married a few years ago but it did not work out, she left the country and lives in Europe nowadays. She is a great woman and I bet you would have loved her. – He said with a smile on his face and I could see his thoughts were not in that bar for a quick second, they were stuck in memories. – But I remarried, you know… Amelia. That is why she was so surprised when she realized we knew each other.

-I get it now.

-What about you? How was your life in Florida? – He asked me sipping his beer.

-You know me. I am your perfect opposite, as much as you love the idea of having a family with wife and children… Well… That is not for me. – I said and he laughed rolling his eyes letting me know he was still a hopeless romantic, still trying to convince me that family was the way to solve all my problems and heal every wound. – I tried. More than once… After, you know… When I settled in Florida I got a girlfriend, we spent three years together. There was an accident, we both lived but our relationship did not survive. After that, I gave up on trying to have a lifelong relationship.

-I am so sorry for that… - Owen said taking my hand, his thumb caressing the top of my hand and his eyes got even sadder. – But you should not give up. Maybe Seattle will be the city where you will find the love of your life and you will finally get your happy ending.

-Maybe. – I shrugged trying not to be so pessimist, but deep inside I know I didn’t believe his words. There was no happy ending for me. – Can I ask something about someone?

-Sure.

-Meredith Grey?

-Well… What do you want to know? She owns the hospital alongside some other doctors. She was in several catastrophes, the last one was a plane crash with them and they bought the hospital with their indemnity money. She is a widow; her husband was Amelia’s brother. – He started and for a brief moment, I saw amusement in his green eyes. – She has three kids and she is _not_ gay, Charlie.

-You know what I say… - I started sipping from my whiskey. – Every woman is…

-A little bit gay deep inside. – He completed the sentence making me laugh.

We spent hours there, talking, laughing, telling old and new funny stories. It was good to be around someone who knew me so well. I guess it was around midnight when we left.

I was tremendously happy for having a familiar face I could count on, Owen Hunt was the type of brother-friend I could count on whenever I needed. Although I could see the changes I know he is the same person I met in Iraq so many years ago.

When I got home I was so tired, the only thing I did was take a shower and lay in bed.

Early in the morning I got up and got dressed before leaving home, I stopped by a drive-through to grab some coffee and a muffin then drove towards the hospital. I parked the car and left the vehicle.

-Good morning Charlotte! – I heard Amelia behind and I turned around.

-Morning, Amelia. – I answered with a smile, sipping from my coffee next. – Is Owen already here?

-He is not coming to the hospital until afternoon. – She answered and I nodded.

We got in and went to the attendant’s lounge; Amelia changed and left while I finished my breakfast. Meredith got in and a smile enlarged on my face, she was wearing her scrubs underneath her coat and her hair was tied back.

-Good morning! – She said with a shy smile.

-Good morning Meredith Grey. – I answered continuing to smile.

-Busy day today? – She asked.

-Not really. At least, not that I know. – I finished my coffee.

-Amelia told me you and Owen served together in Iraq… - She started a conversation. She was interested in knowing more about me.

_Curious? Perhaps intrigued?_

-Yes. The two of us and Teddy Altman. She used to work here, right? – Meredith nodded in agreement. – We were the perfect trio back there.

-I bet you were. – She smiled again.

I had to leave so I could start my rounds but I kept the woman’s smile on my thoughts all day long; I caught myself smiling for no reason… Well… For one reason. I guess I was the one curious and intrigued by her, she was a great woman, beautiful and interesting, how could I approach her without invading her bubble?

The midday came fast and so did the twilight, soon enough my day was over and all my patients were well, recovering from their surgeries. I only got lost twice - which was a win - and I was ready to go home.

-Hey. – I heard a familiar voice behind me.

-Hello Meredith Grey. – I answered. – How was your day?

-It was okay. Tiring. How about yours?

-It was okay too. – I answered with a smile, it was just inevitable not to smile around here. I could officially say that she was the biggest crush of my life, and I was a 35 years old woman. – Are you already leaving?

-Oh no, I am on call tonight. – She answered.

_Was this an opportunity for me to get closer?_

Sticking with the “Florida was a chaos” story was easy and safe, but what I couldn’t admit to others was that I was lonely over there. I just couldn’t bear myself to make friends and surrender to intimacy, I couldn’t expose myself to people because I’ve been afraid of letting them down once they realized I was not as okay as I seemed. The losses I’ve had to deal with made me afraid of losing people, and the only way not to lose people is if you’ve never had them.

Seattle was my fresh start, and although I could see the beauty in Meredith and have a crush on her, it didn’t mean I couldn’t try to be her friend.

-Could I buy you a cup of coffee? – I tried, forcing myself to sound friendly and not flirty.

-Sure! – She had a different smile now, a comfortable one.

We left the main lobby walking towards the cafeteria and it felt strange to be exposed in that way, kind of like when you’re trying to make friends in a new school when you’re a teen.

“Will they like me?”

“Just be yourself!”

I bought us coffee and we sat at a table.

-Would you have any tips for me? – I asked, trying to start a light conversation.

-If a patient has a bomb inside of them, don’t stick your hands inside them. Beware of buses and shooters. Don’t get into tiny planes that can crash. – She said it quickly like the answer was at the tip of her tongue. Laughter came out of my throat, but it felt weird to laugh about such things.

-I’ll try my best. – My heart was pounding, I didn’t know what to say next.

-Are you married? – She asked and I frowned, then I followed her look towards my left hand, where my ring has been staying for almost ten years now. I gulped unconsciously, but then sipped from my coffee.

-Widow. – My answer came out as a whisper, but I knew she heard it. Meredith drank her coffee, her fingers tipping the paper cup nervously.

-Was it recent? – She asked in a low tone.

-Nope. – I cleared my throat before continuing. – It was in 2007, but it sure feels like yesterday.

-I’m so sorry.

-Thank you. – It was odd to talk about my late spouse, it has always been a delicate topic, but it was also a challenge not to run from it. I was trying to be a different person, more open to conversations and it was okay for people to ask, right? I was still wearing my wedding ring, after all. – What about you?

-Recent, last year. – She was so sad at that moment, her eyes watering, I wish I could hug her and tell her it was going to pass, things would get better, but I just couldn’t. it wouldn’t pass or go away, it would hunt her forever and even if she could ever find love again, that person would always be there, inside her heart.

-I’m so sorry too. – I said back, it was the best thing I could say at that moment.

Now I was just cursing my ring for bringing up such an awkward topic. How could I change the mood now we were just two sad widows thinking about their dead spouses?

-I’m sorry for bringing it up. – Meredith looked at me, her nose a bit more red than usual.

-It’s okay. I can’t bear myself to stop wearing the stupid ring. – I rolled my eyes, and she gave me the softest laughter. – At least we know we have at least one thing in common.

-Yes. – She laughed a little harder now. It was good to hear her laugh.

-So, what is like to own a hospital? – I asked getting back to the coffee, thankful I got to change the subject. – Should I call you “your majesty”?

After that, she explained how difficult it was to save the Grey Sloan from other buyers, and how the Harper Avery Foundation had gotten the biggest part of it anyways. The subjects that came after that flowed lightly, and we had an excellent time talking to each other and getting to know one another.

We told each other’s favorite surgical cases, we shared embarrassing situations we went through, we talked about lots of things and it was easy to talk to her. Two hours passed by and we did not even notice until her phone went up.

-I should go. – She said sighing. – And you should get some sleep.

-I certainly should. – I got up, and so did she.

-It was great talking to you tonight.

_Was she embarrassed? Why is she blushing?_

-It was great talking to you too, Meredith Grey. – I smiled, and reached out to touch her cheek affectionately, she smiled and I won my day at that moment.

-Uh, I’m sorry, but before, when we were talking about our… Uh… Widowhood. I didn’t catch your husband’s name. Was he a doctor too? – She asked, it was pure curiosity, and maybe that was why she was blushing after all.

- _She_ was a doctor too. – I subtly correct, she arched her eyebrows in a bit of surprise. – Her name was Megan Hunt.


	3. IT'S A DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, luvs!
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this love story! I'm really looking forward to chapter 4, it is going to be huge! Until then, I hope you guys like this chapter.
> 
> Let me hear your thoughts, comment whatever you like (please, be kind)! 
> 
> Quick reminder - AU is necessary to build up the story.

I didn’t know if telling Meredith Grey I used to be married to Megan Hunt was my brightest idea.

It was not only my life involved. Owen was also in the middle of this story, and he had just as much right as privacy as I did and perhaps he didn’t want everybody at his word to know that his dead sister was also gay – I mean, it wasn’t like we were hiding things, but people just seemed to care too much about this fact and just stopped seeing what really mattered – and now I was out of the closet at my new work too, to complete the package.

I should see her bringing the subject up as a fortunate mistake. I couldn’t change things, they were what they were, and I was indeed happily married to Megan – for most of the time we were together – and, in the end, losing her was the most traumatic thing I have passed through. Maybe talking about it with Meredith was the beginning of a new chapter in my life, one I could be honest about things without being terrified of how deeply I’d be hurt.

It was just so hard not to let things slip out of me when I was looking at the most intense eyes I’ve ever encountered. Meredith listened to me caring deeply about my words and about what I had to say, she was interested in my story, she let me be myself and she didn’t judge me. Not once. And if I couldn’t have her _romantically_ I sure would like to have her as a friend.

-Penny for your thoughts? – The voice startled me.

-Hello, love. – I smiled at Arizona. The blonde was one of the most iconic people I’ve ever met. She was perky and fast-talking all the time and she looked like an overgrown kid most of the time.

-Is everything okay? – She asked frowning and placing a hand on my shoulder. Arizona had this magic power of feeling how people were, at least, that’s what she told me.

-Yeah, everything is ace. – I said sighing afterward.

-Why don’t we go out after our shift and, you know, hit on people? You could be my wing-woman, it would be great. – She was showing off her dimples as she smiled.

-You’re too cute. – I smiled back. – Sure, it’ll be blinding.

-You really need to update me on the British slang issue. – She joked. – I have to go now, I have surgery. I’ll see you later, _love_.

-Absolutely, love. – I said, not caring about her teasing.

I went to the ER to meet Pierce – she was still pretty excited about me joining the team, and it freaks me out a little – and, as soon as I got there, I heard an ambulance pulling in. I grabbed a disposable apron and some gloves as I rushed towards the siren sound.

-What do we have here? – I asked putting on the gloves.

-Joanna Kelly, 43-year-old, crashed her car against a school bus. Luckily, it was empty. She has possible fractured ribs, she complained of chest pain and she lost consciousness twice on the way here. – The paramedic rushed to say.

-Put her in room four. – I was walking alongside the stretcher, putting the stethoscope on my ears and already trying to listen to her heartbeat. – The heart is regular. I need someone to page Amelia, and I need an X-ray, right now!

Nurses started to move all around the place, soon there was a resident by my side – Jo Wilson – and she started monitoring the patient. I was trying to identify broken ribs on her side, and with each touch the woman screamed, making it even more difficult for her to breathe. Her breath was superficial, she was a bit cyanotic.

-I think one of the ribs has punctured her pleura. Where’s that x-ray? – I asked again.

After that, it was a total mess.

People walking, machines beeping and I was already trying to form a surgical plan for that patient. The x-ray confirmed what I have suspected – she had a pneumothorax and a punctured lung – and we had to rush her to the OR after the neurological evaluation of Amelia.

Performing surgery was tricky and delicate, but the OR was my favorite place on earth.

The same machine-sounds, the deep breaths of the fellow surgeons as they concentrated on saving lives, the dripping sound of the IV, the metallic noise of instruments scraping against the metal plate. It was amazing. It is a place of peace for me and I found myself doing a whole lot more surgeries the past nine years just so I could focus on something other than how miserable I was after Megan’s death.

We saved Joanna’s life and after that, I talked to a very worried husband. The sigh of relief of my patients’ loved ones was also one of my favorite sounds in a hospital.

-Why aren’t you ready? – Arizona asked me, fully changed, as I finished signing some papers.

-My surgery went late. I’m sorry. – I closed the file and handed it to the receptionist. – I’ll change and meet you at Joe’s in fifteen minutes.

-You better be there! – She kissed me on the cheek before heading towards the exit.

I went upstairs – literally using the stairs since I was a bit claustrophobic. I tended to avoid elevators unless it was absolutely necessary, or my first day at a new job and I shouldn’t get all sweaty – and entered the attendants' lounge.

I knew better than to keep Arizona waiting – we’ve been hanging out a lot the past week since Owen had introduced us, and it was good to have a new friend who could talk about some many things in such little time – and I was ready to leave when the door opened and Meredith got in.

-Hey stranger. – She said with a shy smiled popping on her lips. It was weird that she was constantly blushing around me.

-Hello, Meredith Grey. How are you? – I asked putting my backpack on my shoulder. – It really has been a while since we saw each other…

-I’ve been at home most of the week.

-Is everything okay? – My heartbeat went a little bit faster with the possibility of something being wrong with her.

-Bailey, my middle kid, was sick and soon all three kids were barfing all over the house. – She said laughing a little and I couldn’t help but smile in relief.

-I hope they’re feeling better now. – She nodded in agreement. – I should go, Arizona is waiting…

-Okay. – She looked down at her shoes.

I was at the door, ready to leave the place, but I just couldn’t. Not this quickly. Not when I missed seeing her face so much the past days.

-Are you on-call? – I asked, turning my back on the door.

-No. I was just about the leave…

-Why don’t you come to Joe’s and grab a drink with us? – The invitation sounded a little more desperate than I wanted. My palms were sweaty.

-I would love that, but I should be home to check on the kids. Meggie will be here all night and I don’t have a babysitter to call this late. – She looked briefly at her watch, her perfect hair covering her eyes for a quick second, and I had to force myself not to put it back behind her ear.

-Alright, I get it. You should be at home with your cubs… They need their mama. – I smiled trying to cover up the disappointment in my voice with my white teeth. – And, uh, thanks for not telling Amelia about Megan. If Owen hasn’t told her by now, he must have his reasons.

-Sure, it’s not my place to tell around. – Meredith’s eyes were peaceful, a light blue that could easily be my new favorite color.

-Yeah… - I didn’t know what else to say. – I should go.

I smiled at her quickly before turning to the door and opening it.

-Charlotte… - She called me and I turned back instantly, but slowly, loving the sound of my name coming out of her mouth. I wanted to enjoy that moment. – That night we talked; it was so great. I felt like I was finally understood by someone, and I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner sometime.

_WAS SHE ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE?_

Certainly, it wasn’t a _date-date_. Not the date I wanted to have with her, but it was still more than I’ve ever expected from Meredith Grey. I never even thought about the possibility of having dinner with her this soon on our friendship.

-I’d love that, Meredith Grey. – I smiled so big my cheeks started hurting.

-Awesome! – She said back, smiling too. – Tomorrow, at my house?

-It’s a date. – I said it as my heart raced inside my chest.


	4. FRIENDLY DINNER, UH?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I hope you guys are enjoying this story and I'm just so glad it reached 100 hits this week! It's been hard to think of a storyline for those two different from my original approach (which was a lot more complicated and confusing for a first fiction), but I can see things a bit clearer now. 
> 
> Please let my know your thoughts on the comments (be kind, please)! And remember, just a fanfiction!

-Hey, I heard you have a date tonight! – Amelia approached me in the attendants’ lounge.

-It’s not a date. – I answered frowning, although the idea of her thinking it was a date made me a tiny bit happy. It meant Meredith had told her in a way that sounded like a date. – We’re just having dinner.

-At her place. At night. After the kids are in bed. – She smiled like a teenager learning a new gossip. – It sounds pretty much like a date to me.

-She’s not into girls, Amelia. – I contradicted her once more. – We’re just friends.

Those words hurt, mostly because this mantra I kept repeating all day was starting to shake my confidence and it was putting me in a weird place where I didn’t know if I should or shouldn’t make a move on her. I didn’t want to ruin things with Meredith since she was the best person I’ve met in a while, and the wrong move could put us in an awkward place and end this new friendship of ours.

-Well, you touched a very delicate matter. – Amelia bit her lower lip. – She’s really not into girls, at least, not that I know of, but it’s fun to see all the flirt between you two. Maybe you should give it a shot.

-And get hurt? – I asked back. – No, thank you.

-I hope dinner goes well. – She said turning on her ankles and leaving the room.

-I hope so too. – I whispered to myself, trying to slow down my heartbeat. – It’s just dinner.

I walked to the car, and every step I took I felt dizzier. The excitement was turning into anxiety and this was never a good thing because when I’m anxious, I tend to talk a lot of nonsense things. The car felt safe and comfortable and it took me a few minutes to calm down and convince myself that it was just a friendly dinner, no expectations. Turning the key on the ignition was me reassuring myself that there was no reason for me to be scared. I just needed to be myself and be friendly.

Soon enough I was knocking on her door, and I was extremely conscious about the thin layer of sweat covering my palms while I waited for her to open the door and when she did I had to catch my breath.

I was used to gazing at Meredith Grey at work, sometimes on her regular clothes when she arrived at the hospital after me, but in none of those times, I got to see her on out-of-work outfit. She was wearing skinny jeans with a light blue long sleeve blouse – although the sleeves were pulled back to her elbows – and it was tight enough to enhance her amazing breasts. There was make-up on her face, not flashy, the right amount to give that “healthy-looking cheeks”.

-Hello, Meredith Grey. – I said almost in a whisper. I cleared my throat and moistened my lips before speaking again. – You look great.

-You do too. – She blushed a little. – Come in.

I kissed her cheeks before entering her house. It was a wooden-floor house, with great ceiling height, wide living room with two couches, and a fireplace. It was cozy. There was a bottle of wine on the center-table and two glasses.

-Do you drink wine? – She asked, both her hands on her back pockets.

-I do. – My words were still unreliable so I would try to use the minimum of those.

She poured us some wine and gestured towards the couch – which was surprisingly comfortable – and then she sat by my side. If I spread my legs a little wider we would touch knees.

-How was your day? – I asked.

-The kids are feeling a little better, I’ll return to my routine at the hospital tomorrow. – She answered and sipped her wine, her lipgloss leaving a blurred print of her lips on the glass.

-Thank god… - I sighed and then cursed myself for being so obvious. – Bailey isn’t scaring the new residents enough.

-She used to be the scariest. We used to call her “Nazi”. – She smiled, I could see she was smiling at good memories. – I guess she lost her nazi vibe.

-Well, people lost a nazi and won a Medusa. – I joked and drank some wine. She had a really good taste, it was delicious.

-How do you know about that? It’s so embarrassing…

-A bit flattering too. The best attendants are the scariest ones. – Looking at her so closely made the butterflies on my stomach go crazy. Her scent was magnificent and her voice was so much more relax and just comfortable; I guess being at her place was reassuring for her. I could see the pumping artery on her neck and a smile appeared on my lips while I realized I wasn’t the only one nervous about this dinner.

-How do you like Seattle so far? – She asked, changing the subject and placing a lock of hair behind her ear but it didn’t stay there. In the boldest move I could make, I touched it and tucked it back behind her ear.

-It is better than I thought. A pleasant surprise. – Meredith wasn’t blushing anymore, she was just looking deep into my eyes like she knew I meant that she was my pleasant surprise here. Those blue eyes were like the ocean in the morning, deep, clear, and calm.

_So much for trying not to be flirty, Charlotte._

-Do you like it here? Never thought about moving? – I asked back.

-I grew up here, left for college, and came back when I was an intern. Never left after that… Except for the year after Derek died. – She looked down at her hands still holding the unfinished glass of wine. – I found out I was pregnant and I just couldn’t bear to be at our house while he wasn’t there.

-I was the perfect opposite. Stayed in the army for two more years after Megan died, I thought that leaving would turn things real for me. And it did. London felt cold and alone and her death hit me like a train all over again, and I resented myself for a while after leaving. – Thinking about it made me see the door of the closet I stuffed my feelings in when I moved to Florida. I pushed everything inside before leaving London so I wouldn’t have to confront it for a while, and that while became years.

-Did Owen stay? – Meredith asked after clearing her throat. Her eyes were watery and that crushed my heart a little.

-No… - I sighed. – He left soon after her death. We had different cope mechanisms.

-Do you miss London? – She asked, changing the subject completely.

-Uh… Yes. A bit. – I answered smiling a little now. – I miss the pubs and the view from the Westminster bridge. It is my favorite place there. They have better beer too.

-I never thought about you like a beer girl. – She joked.

-So you’ve been thinking about me… - The words came out as soon as she finished her sentence and she laughed a little, looking down and then back up.

-A little. – She answered and I thought I would need CPR for a moment. She had just admitted she’s been thinking about me? What does that mean? – Are you hungry?

-Yes, absolutely. – I nodded and with a great swig, I drank the rest of the wine on my glass.

-I made lasagna. – She announced and got up from the couch, heading to the kitchen.

Dinner was delicious and I was grateful we had some time to appreciate each other’s company without having to talk as much so I could calm my heart down. I thought it would be easier to navigate through conversations in a friendly way, but everything on Meredith Grey was appealing to me, and that made it very hard not to flirt and try to make her like me _like that_.

-It’s easy talking to you… - She said when we were back on the couch with a second glass of wine. – You’re calm and funny, I like that you’re here now.

-I’m not calm, I’m the exact opposite. I’m trying to be cool with this dinner and to achieve that goal I had to overthink everything I said tonight. – I was brutally honest with her and she raised both eyebrows.

-Why?

-Because I’m trying to be friends with you. – I said it with not as much honesty as before. She looked at me, expecting more of my answer. – You are the most intimidating person I’ve ever met, you’re deep, with a harsh background, you had the perfect husband and you lost him, and you are the most amazing doctor I’ve ever got to know. It’s hard to be calm around you.

-I’m flattered, but I’m not that much… - She sighed and looked down, blushed a little bit too. – You see, I was nervous myself about this dinner because I want to get to know you. I’ve never been into making friends, I had Cristina and I have Alex, I have my sisters, but it’s mostly it. I don’t get real close with other people and I want to be close to you. You get me. You make me feel like I’m not alone.

Hearing those words warmed my heart like a fireplace on a cold night, and although she was putting me in a friendzone right now I couldn’t help but feel good about myself. She wanted to be close to me and I could understand her, it was like we were meant to be together – at least as friends – because we knew what each other went though, we weren’t just people looking from outside, we passed through the same traumatic thing and we were both still very hurt.

But I didn’t know how to deal with all the feelings I had for her. It’s been weeks since we got closer and every day I spent talking to her I just added more reasons to like her – and reasons why I’d get hurt if I tried to get involved with her because she was definitely straight and I didn’t know for sure she would be able to like another girl ever in her life – and if I wanted to be friends with her, for real, like she wanted, I couldn’t just hide those feelings and build up expectations, right? I had to tell her, even if she didn’t like me back.

-Have you dated anyone since Megan? – She asked like she could read my mind.

-Yes. – I cleared my throat. – A couple of times. It was weird at first, and I didn’t think I was ready to be with them looking back at it now. I didn’t feel exhilarated and excited about then, I didn’t smile every time I heard their voice or let out a little laughter when they were screaming a little with their subordinates. It wasn’t like…

I stopped myself when I realized I was describing everything I felt or did when I was around her.

-I’m afraid of feelings. – She whispered. – I’m afraid because I don’t know how I feel right now and it’s looking too good to be true.

-What is? – I asked back, my heart racing inside my chest. She looked at me and she didn’t answer, but she placed a hand on my face, cupping my cheeks and I closed my eyes unintentionally. Her touch was so soft and I could smell the perfume on her skin. When I opened my eyes, she was still touching my face and she was still staring at me as if she didn’t know how to answer my question and I felt like she wasn’t ready for that answer, but deep down I knew it was related to me. – I should go now.

-Why? – She asked back immediately. – Did I…?

-What? No. You didn’t do anything. It’s late and you have work tomorrow, you should get some rest. – I answered, but what I really wanted to say was “you have to feel your feelings on your time and you should do it without the pressure of having me here”.

I felt this inquietude on my heart. The awful feeling of keeping things to myself, and I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. I was lying to myself, trying to hold on to the hope that things would magically work out, but perhaps they wouldn’t and I had to be mature enough to deal with them. I was looking at the most beautiful woman in town, the woman that made me feel like a million bucks, and maybe she didn’t like me like that, but it wasn’t fair to me to keep that to myself.

-I have feelings for you, Meredith Grey. – I said when I got up, ready to leave the house. I had to stop myself from running to my car. – I’ve had them since I bumped into you weeks ago and I know you’re straight and you haven’t dated anyone since your husband, I know all of that, I’m not asking anything I just think that you should know that you have options.

She got up, clearly nervous, and bit her lower lip. The look on her face was indecipherable, a mix of confusion and happiness maybe. Meredith opened her lips a couple of times, trying to say something back but she just couldn’t. I could see that she didn’t know what to say. She was too confused to say something right now.

-You should get some sleep. – I said and I stepped forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. – Good night, Meredith Grey.

And with that, I walked away from her and left the house.

_Holy fuck. I just declared myself to Meredith Grey._


	5. DEATH-BOX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while, I know! And this a short chapter, but this relationship will develop on baby-steps. I promise it will be worthy and things will get a lot more real after the events of this chapter. I hope you like it! Let me know in the comment section! 
> 
> Be kind!

-How was dinner? – Arizona asked me during breakfast at the hospital the next morning.

-Great. – It was unusual for Arizona to accept one word as an answer, but perhaps she knew it was a delicate matter for me.

I couldn’t sleep last night as my thoughts were divided into: “what a stupid move you made!” and “you were right to tell her, she needs to know!” and none of those helped to calm my spirit. I was afraid of what would happen next, mostly because I would die if I had jeopardized my friendship with Meredith Grey by being honest with her.

Thank God – ish – I didn’t get to see her that day, I was in-between ORs all morning and afternoon after a boat accident. There were a lot of broken ribs, cardiac arrests, and hemodynamic procedures to make and I was grateful for those.

I crossed paths with Amelia and Meggie, they didn’t mention dinner and I was afraid it was the beginning of the end of my proto-relationship with Meredith – maybe she had told her sisters that I was a horrible and disgusting person, and they should never mention us being in any kind of situation together.

I saw her the next day, I was walking down the hallway early in the morning and there she was. Meredith Grey was so beautiful it made my heart squirms inside my chest. Meredith was mad at something - or someone - and had the residents gathered around her, their eyes on their feet as they were scolded. Even that made me fall for her a little bit harder.

For a quick second she saw me, she opened her mouth to continue her speech but no words came out of it, she closed it back, I held her gaze and I still had a smile on my lips, she smiled back - briefly - but it didn't feel right to stare at her that way, so I kept walking.

It was a torment not to see her, but having her so close and yet not being able to be with her was still a motive for excruciating pain. I had to get over her if I wanted to be around Meredith.

A couple more days passed without having any major conversations, one “good morning” as I passed by her and her sisters, and an “I need an epi!” on the ER when my patient was crashing. That was it.

In that morning Dr. Bailey wanted a consult for a patient on the last floor of the hospital and after a 30 hours shift, I didn’t have the energy to take the stairs even if I wanted to. I have hated elevators since my childhood, I just couldn’t get over the idea of possible horrible death inside that hideous box every time I was inside one.

I got inside the death-box and pushed the 5th-floor button, and before the doors were closed, I felt the panic climbing up my throat, my heart pounding on my chest as a thing layer of sweat started to cover my forehead.

It was too slow – perhaps going too fast wouldn’t help either – and the metallic sound echoed inside the elevator as it stopped on the second floor.

For my despair – kind of – Meredith was standing just outside, her eyes opened wider like mine and she got in looking at her feet, and stayed close to the back wall. The "ding" sound filled the air once more and the doors started closing as my fist clenched.

-Is everything okay? – Her voice came out as a whisper, but I was so nervous I jumped a little, startled by her words and that sudden movement made the elevator jiggle, which didn’t help.

-Not a big fan of elevators. – I managed to answer, gulping, and grabbing the metallic structure next to me.

We were passing through the third floor, then the fourth, and then… BANG!

The elevator suddenly stopped and made the most unnatural bouncing movement as the steel cables stretched and returned to their original shape. I let out a yell – I wasn’t very proud of that moment – and tried to hold on to something like my life depended on it, and it perhaps did.

-WHAT HAPPENED? - I could keep my voice down, and Meredith seemed so calm I almost wanted to punch her. My eyes went to the alarm button as quickly as I could move on the verge of fainting. – We are going to die.

-It happens sometimes, the power probably went out. The generators will kick-in in a bit. – She said back, she took a step closer as I leaned against the wall.

-It has been a bit. – I contradicted her starting to hyperventilate.

-Hey, just breathe in and out with me. - Meredith was standing in front of me, one hand went straight to my chest as the other tried to put a lock of my hair behind my ear. - In and out.

Her big blue eyes were a little gray this morning, and she didn’t have a smile on her face, but a crease in the middle of her forehead denouncing her concern.

-In and out. - Her breath was minty and I started to breathe in and out with her.

It took a few moments - without any movement from the elevator - until I felt better.

-You should probably sit. - She smirked and helped me down, sitting beside me. - Are you feeling better?

-Yes, thank you.

-You get scared easily for a soldier who fought in a war zone. - She joked and I rolled up my eyes.

-Irrational fear I guess. - I didn’t know what to say and, although I felt calmer, I was still pretty aware of the danger we were in.

We sat in silence for minutes - and I pushed the alarm button five more times during this time - before she broke the silence again.

-Why were you avoiding me? - Again that whisper tone, as if she was afraid of talking to me.

-I… - The words ran out of my mind and I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times before I could think of an answer. – I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me. I felt like I should give you some space.

-I don’t need space. – She said back and I didn’t know what she really meant, but I didn’t ask.

-Alright.

-I need time. – She continued and I arched my eyebrows, still didn’t ask.

-Alright.

-And you. – Meredith said and we both blushed. That was the most amazing thing I have ever heard and being trapped in a death-box didn’t feel as scary. – I need you in my life now, because…

She stopped, my heart was racing and I couldn’t help but smile at her words, I intertwined my fingers and rested my hands on my lap.

_She needed me, and I didn’t know what that meant, but still, she needed me._

-Not talking to you was horrible, I felt like a part of my day was missing and the past month has been difficult, and confusing, and I have a lot on my plate now, I don’t know how to manage everything, there’s so much newness. Right now… Right now I need something constant. Something familiar. – She said looking down at her crossed legs. – That’s you.

I didn’t know how I felt after all of this.

I have been expecting those words for months now, I’ve imagined it so many times, and yet it was so surprising and unexpected. I felt funny. Like something was squirming inside me like I was about to laugh hard and cry at the same time… It felt like I was feeling all the feelings in the world at the same time and I didn’t know what to do next.

It sounded like she was telling me she liked me back, but she wasn’t clear enough. Maybe she just felt shaken by the unusualness of the situation – having a woman falling for you must at least nice – and she was still trying to figure out if those feelings were real or not. She didn’t have a time limit to give me an answer and it could take months or even years until she was sure, but if she needed time, I would give it to her.

-I’ll be your constant, Meredith Grey. – I said back, still smiling. I turned my head to look at her and she did the same, keeping eye contact.

Our faces were close enough to make our breaths swirl together in front of us and if a leaned closer, our noses would touch and maybe even our lips. But that wasn’t what she needed right now – she didn’t need more on her plate.

I cupped her face and caressed her flushed cheeks and it was amazing to see how her body responded to my touch – her eyes closed, she let out a sigh and a smile – making my own awake and want more from her. Meredith bit her lower lip as I continued to brush my thumb against her skin, so I leaned in and kissed her forehead with as much tender as I could possibly do.

-You are so beautiful. – At this very moment, I was inside a joyful bubble of happiness.

My hand went down her neck and shoulder, she caught her breath and I smiled. I continued my way down her arm and stopped at her hand. I took her hand on my own and laced our fingers.

-Is this okay? – I asked and she finally opened her eyes before nodding.

-It’s a lot better than okay. – She said back.

I have never thought my worst fear would open a door to my best dream.

_Thank you, death-box._


	6. IT WAS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a big chapter, an important one! I had a great time writing it! I think you'll like it! Things will get steamier from now on! 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Let me know what you thing! Comments and kudos help me keep going! Be kind!
> 
> XO

After that horrifying episode on the elevator, I found it difficult not to think about Meredith Grey 24/7. Every word she said back in that day gave my life a completely new purpose because I could finally be – almost a 100% - sure I should chase that woman until she was mine, and the possibility of getting hurt by a straight woman seeking an unforeseen sexual adventure had been slowly buried in the back of my mind.

We had only held hands ever since, and not even in public or that often.

Once we were having lunch at the cafeteria and she slipped her hand into mine and held it, resting on my lap as we ate and I just couldn’t help but smile the whole meal. Another time we were sitting at the attendants’ lounge, and she held my hand, resting her head on my should as she complained of tiredness and lack of sleep that week – she really had dark circles around her beautiful eyes, and she could barely keep her eyes open, but she was still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen – and I stood there, rubbing my thumb against the back of her hand, playing with her fingers, massaging her palm until she got paged.

-Hey. – Her voice pulled me out of my trance. Meredith was definitely getting more sleep this week, she had her healthy-looking expression back on and that beautiful smile on her lips. – I haven’t seen you all day...

-Busy day at the OR. – I said back with a smile, handed the tablet to the receptionist, and leaned against the counter so I could look at her, head to toe. – You look great.

-I’m on scrubs… - She pointed out, blushing violently.

-Which means you’re always looking great. – I said and kissed her cheek, cursing myself right after it. – I’m sorry. Too much PDA.

-I liked it. – Meredith stepped forward and held the waistband of my scrub pants. – I missed you.

Before I could tell my heartbeat to slow down, she hugged me.

She was significantly shorter than me, so I could easily rest my chin on top of her head. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her heart beating as fast as mine, and kissed the top of her head loving the proximity and intimacy of that moment, although we were in the middle of the main reception of the hospital.

Meredith didn’t pull back, she just rested there, in my arms, breathing so smoothly it was almost imperceptible. I didn’t try to end the hug either, I loved having her so close to me, I loved having her perfume sticking to my clothes.

-Excuse me… - Amelia said after clearing her throat behind us. I felt awkwardly embarrassed, but Meredith seemed fine as she slowly leaned backward, keeping her hands on my hips. – Are you leaving? I need a place to sleep tonight.

-Is everything okay? – Meredith asked, the same question crossing my brain.

-Yeah, yeah. – Amelia looked at me like I was a spy for the enemy, which I probably was since Owen was one of my best friends.

-I’m on call tonight, but feel free to crash at the house. The kids are with Maggie. – Meredith frowned, clearly worried.

-Thanks. – She said before leaving us.

Amelia had a nervous look on her face, she walked away quickly like she couldn’t stand the hospital any longer.

-What was that about? – I asked.

-She’s been having trouble with Owen. – Meredith said back.

-I see… - I didn’t find it weird that Owen hadn’t mentioned it. He was very reserved about his personal life and hated having people meddling, but I still felt a little bit left out since we’ve been talking all week and he didn’t mention having marriage trouble. – I’m on call too.

-Really? – Meredith’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning and that really boosted my ego. – Maybe we’ll get to spend some alone time tonight… I feel like we’ve spent little time together lately.

-Yeah, I know. I’ve been so busy… I hate that. I wish I could spend more time with you. – I put a lock of her hair behind her ear. – I wish I could spend all the time in the world with you.

Meredith kept that large smile on her face, but blushed a bit, making me laugh a little. We were interrupted by my phone, they needed me at the ER.

-Catch you later? – I asked looking at the screen.

-I hope so. – She answered kissing my cheek, and it was my turn to blush.

The patient had a cardiac tamponade, needing a pericardiocentesis – an easy procedure – but soon after I was finished, one of my ICU patients decompensated and I needed to open him up again and that took a lot more time.

He lost a lot of blood, but I managed to stabilize him after a few hours of suturing and ECMO. It was 2 am when I closed him back up and put him back under ICU care.

The tension of having a critical patient opened on the OR table exhausted my body, I desperately needed a bed and a couple of hours of sleep, so I went straight to a room, ready to sleep.

The bottom bunk bed was free and I crashed hard, jiggling the whole structure.

-Hey! – Someone complained from the top bunk bed. Not someone. Meredith Grey.

-Are you stalking me?- I asked, my voice sounding a little weird since my face was smashed against the pillow.

-You arrived after me, _you_ are stalking _me_. – She joked and I laughed a little. Suddenly I wasn’t that sleepy. – How was the surgery?

-Tiresome.

-I’m sorry… - She whispered back and the room stood silent.

I turned around, resting on my back, on arm behind my head, the other resting against my stomach. My heart was racing inside my chest, I loved having her in the same room, but I still felt pretty insecure and self-conscious about every word I said or move I made around Meredith Grey. Still, my mother hadn’t raised a coward.

-I thought you wanted to spend some time _together_ **. –** I said, almost in a whisper, but loud enough for her to hear.

She didn’t answer and I thought she had fallen asleep, or maybe I had just pushed too hard. But after a few seconds, the top bunk bed moved and she began to climb down, she didn’t say anything, I just moved towards the wall, leaving her some space, and she laid down by my side.

She was so very still I was afraid to say anything or even touch her, she put one of her hands against her chest and closed her eyes. It was incredible how perfect her face was, every single line part of the flawless harmony that she was.

-I’m always so nervous around you. – Meredith said in a whisper.

-Me too. – I said back, and then she looked at me incredulously. – I’m serious. You intimidate the hell out of me.

-Impossible.

-Very much so possible.

More silence.

-I’m sorry it’s taking me so long. – Meredith turned to me and held my gaze. -I just… It’s so embarrassing… I’m a full-grown woman, mother of three children, and I’m afraid of talking to my crush.

-Close your eyes. – I said.

-What?

-Close your eyes and talk to me. – I said back. – While our eyes are closed, we can say anything, and as soon as we open them up, we can’t mention anything about that conversation.

She smiled, nodded, and then closed her eyes. I took her hand, resting them in between our bodies.

-I like you, and I want to be with you, but I’m not brave enough to do that yet. – She started.

-Are you embarrassed by me? Are you afraid of prejudice for being with a woman? – I asked back, trying to understand her feelings. My eyes shut, just like hers.

-No. I’m beyond that. – She answered. – I think… I think people will see this as me betraying the memory of my husband.

-I understand. – I really did. – And I’m not in a hurry of letting people know we’re together… I mean… That we are getting to know each other.

-We are. – Meredith simply said and she was suddenly nervous, I could hear it in her tone.

-What?

-We are together. – She said. – At least, I feel like we are.

-I feel like we are too. – I had the biggest smile on my face.

We were together. As a couple. In an awkward relationship, but still practically a couple.

-Are you tired of waiting? – She asked in a whisper. The nervousness still on her voice, she tightened her grip and I smiled.

-Not even close to tired. – I answered with a smile on my face, although she couldn’t see it. – But are you sure you are okay with… Us? I mean, I’m a woman…

She went silent, and I cursed myself. I believe a whole minute passed before she opened her mouth again.

-When I first met you I was intrigued, you were so charming and caring, that night we talked I felt so understood. I thought we were destined to be friends. I mean, I knew you were hitting on me, but I really thought you’d move on. – She said and I laughed. – And then, one day…

She stopped, she cleared her throat.

-One day you were changing in the attendants’ lounge. You had your top off, had a white lacy bra on, your skin was still wet from the shower, your hair dripping. I was about to enter the room when I saw you through the window. – My heart was racing. – That moment I knew something was different inside me, I didn’t want to be friends with you, I wanted to…

She stopped again. I waited, gulping, my throat as dry as a desert, a thin layer of sweat covering the palm of my hands, wetness taking over my panties and my center throbbed, claiming for her touch as horniness took over my body.

-What? What did you want? – I asked, my voice hoarse with lust. She tightened her grip once more, I could feel her pulse in the tiny arteries of her fingers.

-I wanted to rip your clothes off. – She answered and I couldn’t help but let a moan. It was short and subtle, but I knew she heard it. – That was how I knew I wanted you, as a woman, not as a friend.

I didn’t trust myself with words or actions at this point, so I lay there, very still, trying to calm down my breathing while the idea of having Meredith ripping my clothes off kept invading my imagination.

-Say something. – She whispered.

-I… - I didn’t know what to say. – I believe shouldn’t say anything right now, because I’m so wet that I’m the verge of ripping your clothes off at this moment, and yet, we haven’t even kissed.

It was her turn to moan, and the didn’t help at all my current situation.

-Meredith Grey… Stop that right now. – I asked, still inebriated by her moaning.

-Open your eyes. – She asked and I did, I turned my face, my eyes staring at hers in the dim light that filled the room. – Kiss me.

She didn’t have to ask twice. I’ve been waiting for this moment for months now, and although I’d never push her, I’ve been dying of curiosity all this time.

I leaned forward slowly, her hand still in mine, as I approached I felt her warm minty breath hit my face and I closed my eyes in anticipation. The tip of our noses touched – she was so soft – and after a few seconds our lips met. I didn’t move for a moment, I just couldn’t believe I was kissing her, but after a second or two, I ended that peck and tried again, now capturing her lips in-between mine, finally getting a taste of Meredith Grey.

It was better than I thought.

Her lips were so soft, and it felt like they fitted mine perfectly, but I needed to stay in control – after all, I was the one experienced there, I couldn’t spook her – so I pulled away from her a little.

-Is everything okay? – I asked, in a whisper, but as I spoke, my lips brushed hers.

-Yes. – I turned on my side, letting go of her hand for the first time. I caressed her face, she was blushing, but after seconds she bit her lower lip, and that was so sexy. – I want more.

-Just let me know your boundaries, okay? – I asked and she nodded in agreement.

I leaned forward, closing the distance between us, and kissed her again. This time I cupped her face as I turned my face sideways so I could get a better angle. After a couple of innocent kisses, I brushed the tip of my tongue against her lower lip, asking for entrance, and she granted passage eagerly, welcoming my tongue with hers.

At this moment I thought my mind would explode. She tasted so good, it was almost unbearable. I felt her hand on my hipbone, and she pulled me a little closer, making my center accidentally brush against her thigh and I moaned aloud during our kiss. I moved my hand to the back of my neck as I moved my body upon hers, hovering over her so she wasn’t bothered by my weight.

Our kiss was wet and full of passion, she had both her hands on the lowest part of my back, and she pulled my shirt up a little, giving her enough space to touch my flesh there. Her warm and gentle touch made me falter a bit, and so I supported one knee on the bed, placing my leg in the middle of hers. It wasn’t my intention to touch her _there_ , but I accidentally did, and by doing so she interrupted the kiss so abruptly, pulling me closer so she could feel that again while she arched her back and moaned so loudly I was afraid it was heard by people outside the room.

It was so hot, I felt like I could orgasm just by watching her. Her eyes shut so tightly, while her mouth was still slightly open as she moaned, now lower. I kissed her again, now sucking her tongue while I moved my leg so she would get a little more friction.

-No. – She said. – Please, stop.

I was so shocked by her words that I jumped in bed, hitting my head on the metal bar. The pain hit me as fast as my startle, but I managed to sit on the opposite side of the bed, so I could see her in front of me.

-I’m so sorry. – The pain was intense, but it didn’t matter. There was sticky sweat running down my face and neck from nervousness. – I shouldn’t have.

-No… - She sat up quickly. – No, no! It wasn’t like that! I… You were…

She didn’t form words and I was so embarrassed I felt light-headed. Meredith moved forward, kneeling on the mattress and staring at my face.

-We’ll have to continue this conversation after I stitch you up. You’re bleeding!

-What? – I asked and placed my hand on the hurtful spot on my head. It was indeed warm and wet and I realized what I believed was nervous sweat before, was blood coming from my temple. -Shit.


	7. THANK YOU, NETFLIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry it's been too long! I had a criative blockage for quite some time but I believe most of you will be happy with this chapter! 
> 
> Warning: This chapter has explicit content!
> 
> I hope you guys like it! Let me know your feelings on the comments! Be kind!

I pressed the wound on my temple as we walked outside the room. The ER was strangely quiet, only a few nurses checking on patients and a doctor I’ve only seen in corridors was checking on his tablet. Meredith took me to a reserved room and helped me sit on the hospital stretcher.

-I’m a bit dizzy. – My complain sounded like it was in slow-motion for me, but I suspected it had something to do with the loss of blood, which was now soaking my shirt.

-Hey, lay down, okay? – Meredith helped me lay down and I just kept staring at her face. She was so pretty.

-We just made out. – I pointed out the obvious, still pretty dizzy and light-headed.

-Yes. – She laughed at me. – And now you’re bleeding.

She put on gloves and held up a syringe with a clear liquid inside – I figured it was the anesthesia – and she pinched my forehead.

-Ouch! – I complained frowning, but it wasn’t that painful.

-I’m gonna clean your wound now, okay? – She was smiling at me.

After that, there was a lot of saline running down my face and a bunch of gauzes as she cleaned the cut. Meredith was good at suturing, she was finished after a couple of minutes, and then she put me on an IV bag.

-Just to replace fluids. You’ve lost a lot of blood, but you’ll be fine. – She kissed my cheek. – I’m going to get you a clean shirt, just close your eyes and no sudden movements.

I watched her walk away, and now that I was feeling a whole lot better I felt miserable for being such a _guy_ with her. I knew I should have taken things slowly, I just didn’t imagine it would be so hard to keep my feelings and actions under control once we actually kissed and I clearly crossed a line before and ripping my head open was little for how much I should’ve been punished by the universe.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment, though. I wanted to push it down, so I could think clearly, but all I could picture in my head was how great her lips felt, how soft and warm her tongue was on mine and how turned on I was by her. Of course, there were a lot of built-up expectations and sexual energy inside me after so many months without sex, but it didn’t diminish the intensity of that moment.

-Hey, I’m back. – She whispered and I opened my eyes.

-Thank you, Meredith Grey. – I said back, also in a whisper. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t look at her, and I could feel blood pooling on my cheeks as I blushed. – Uh, can you help me? I can’t really undress because of the IV.

-Oh, of course. Yeah, sure! – She was so nervous around me. I hated that. When we finally reached a comfortable place, I managed to screw things up with her.

Meredith was so gentle, she helped me undress, trying to avoid looking at my naked torso, but I caught her glimpsing at my bra once or twice. It didn’t bother me, I found it adorable, it made me smile although I felt horrible inside.

-I’m sorry… - I whispered, I was so nervous I thought I would choke on my own words. – I feel like I should address the elephant in the room and just apologize already for being such a jerk to you. I knew you wanted to take things slow and I just crossed a line, I know, and I promise it won’t happen again.

-So… Do you think you crossed a line? Is that the reason you’re not looking at me while I’m speaking to you? – She asked, placing her index finger on my chin and lifting my face so I could look at her. She wasn’t mad, she was smiling. I didn’t understand.

-Yes.

She smiled and sighed.

-Close your eyes. – She asked caressing my face. – I liked that game.

-Okay… - I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I closed my eyes and just appreciated my touch.

-I don’t know if I’m ready to have sex yet, but that wasn’t the reason I asked you to stop. – It was hard to fully believe that since I couldn’t see her face, but I had to trust her. She sat by my side, I felt that. – I asked you to stop because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from… You know… Cumming. And I would be really embarrassed if that happened during our first kiss.

-That would’ve been hot, but I see your point. I wouldn’t want that either and I can totally relate to the feeling. – I tried to make her feel better, but there was truth in my words. – So you are _not_ mad at me.

-Not at all. – She responded with laughter.

I opened my eyes and she opened hers right after. She was happy and smiling and that warmed my heart so much I thought I’d spontaneously combust. Right there, stitched up and dizzy, with a head injury, I was the happiest woman on the planet.

-That’s good because I’d hate to stop kissing you. – I said leaning forward and she met me half-way, putting our lips together, both of us still smiling.

After that day things started to be more fluid, I stopped overthinking every move I made around Meredith Grey, and we were very comfortable with one another. She would give me _those_ looks during the day, mostly when I was had company so I would be very embarrassed, making my heart race inside my chest, then, to return the favor, I would, _innocently_ , place a hand on her hip and squeeze the flesh there a little while greeting her in the morning with a wet and warm kiss on the cheek. This teasing game was our new specialty and I was loving it.

-Hi! - I was waiting for the results of a CT in the cabin in front of the machine, when Meredith entered, closing the door behind her. - Do you have a minute?

-Sure. - I answered turning the chair towards her.

-I was wondering if we could catch a movie tonight… - She said, blushing, and I frowned a little. I wasn’t expecting Meredith to like movies for a date.

-Sure, let me just see what’s on display in the cinema ... - I grabbed my phone.

-No, I meant something more like Netflix. - She said and I raised my eyebrows. - At your place. I have Maggie babysitting tonight so I don’t have to go home after work.

-Oh. - That was the only thing I said because my brain was still processing the situation in progress. - Sure, absolutely.

-Great. – She smiled at me, but it wasn’t a happy smile, it was more of a sexy smile and that didn’t help me process and act human. – I’ll see you tonight, Charlie.

She kissed my cheek before leaving the cabin.

_Was this a sign she was ready to have sex? Should I be prepared for that possibility? Was I being delusional and seeing things that weren’t there?_

The day didn’t pass fast enough, I was looking at the watch every five minutes and when the pointers finally reached number 7, I was free to go. Meredith texted me saying she would be at my house at 8:30 pm, so I changed as fast as I could and drove home.

My apartment wasn’t messy _at all_ , I’ve always had to live with a tiny hint of OCD so I kept everything perfectly organized – that was a perk in situations like this, it was on less thing to worry about – so I focused on putting a wine at the freezer, cutting some cheese, ordering a pizza – one of her favorite food – and taking a long shower.

The doorbell rang one second after I finished dressing up, I ran to the door and opened it.

Meredith made me catch my breath every time I saw her, but the way she was dressed tonight made my heart skip a beat. She had a tight velvet dress, which just accentuated her curves, just above her knees, it was dark red, matching the lipstick on her lips, her hair was running down her shoulders, and even from afar, I could smell her lavender shampoo. She had a coat on her arm and held a small purse in front of her.

-Wow. You look… Fantastic. – She looked down at her feet. She was almost as tall as me in those heals. – Please, come in.

_I just couldn’t believe I was dating that woman, she was way out of my league, for sure._

-I love it when you wear button-up shirts. – She said touching the buttons of my shirt after I took her coat and purse. Her hand was spread open while she moved it from my shirt to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to kiss my cheek provocatively.

-I’ve noticed that. – I admitted and she smiled.

-Good.

I walked towards the freezer and grabbed the cold bottle, I poured wine for both of us. I was suddenly nervous, my breath superficial and my hands were a bit shaky but it was just a date! I shouldn’t build up any expectations. Although I tried to keep my mind calm, I just didn’t know how to act or what to say, I was back at square one, afraid of scaring her away.

We sat at the couch, I turned sideways so I could face her, and while she looked around, I could only pay attention to her exposed neck and how the tightness of the dress made her breasts pop up and accentuated her cleavage.

-It’s a nice place. – She said while sipping her wine, and I turned my eyes to her face as fast as I could, but her smirk let me know I was too slow.

-It is. – I nodded. – I ordered a pizza. Hawaiian, with extra pineapples.

-You know me so well. – Meredith placed her glass at the center table in front of us, and then took my own glass from my hands and put it beside hers.

-Aren’t you a bit dressed up for a Netflix date? - I asked, sneaking closer, running my hand through her hair until I was gently pulling a pad of hair from the base of her head. Chills ran down her arms and she closed her eyes.

-I thought you’d like it. - Her voice was deeper than usual, she still had her eyes closed. I leaned forward and kissed her jaw.

-I loved it. - I whispered back.

The doorbell rang, probably the pizza, and it took a lot of self-control getting up to answer the door. I paid for the pizza and took a couple of deep breaths to calm down my racing heartbeat.

We ate and talked about amenities, the pouring rain outside dropped the temperature in the room, but I liked the rain, it calmed me, it was a sound to hold on to when I needed to focus on something other than how beautiful Meredith looked. The bottle of wine was half empty when we started picking the movie.

-No horror movies! – She immediately said and I laughed.

-Alright.

We settled for a random romantic comedy, and two seconds into the movie Meredith leaned against me and I moved my arm so I could hug her shoulders and keep her close.

I loved the way she smelled, always so fresh and lavendery, and I loved how close em comfortable we were right now. She crossed her legs, her dress went a little up and she didn’t try to push it back down, I touched her shoulder with the tip of my middle finger and ran it down her arm, trying to keep my eyes on the TV – which became an even harder task after she placed her warm hand on my stomach and started fiddling with the button there.

After a few more minutes of running my fingers up and down her arm, she moved her hand to the end of my shirt and, slowly pulled the fabric up, revealing the naked skin of my abdomen. Meredith still had her eyes on the TV, but I could feel her tensing up beside me, so I just kept doing what I was doing, trying not to make it of her warm hand against my skin a big deal, although it was. My breath was suddenly shallower, and I gulped when she closed her grip and scrubbed her short nails against my skin, painfully slowly. There was enough humidity in-between my legs to soak my underwear, but I was destined to let Meredith take the wheels of the sexual part of our relationship, I’d follow her lead, I’d do what she was comfortable doing.

It was hard paying attention to what the actors were saying when I was so hot and sticky, so turned on, by the woman on my side. Meredith moved slowly, getting to know the territory, it was almost like she was trying to get to know every inch of my body and I was okay with that kind of torture. It was probably twenty minutes into the movie when she moved her hand to my flank, right at one of my most sensitive spots, my ribs. Feeling her touch there made me squirm involuntarily, opening my legs shortly thereafter, minimizing the friction between my throbbing center and my underwear.

-Is everything okay? – She asked, I guessed my movement was not as imperceptible as I thought. Meredith’s voice was deeper than usual, denouncing her horniness, making me smile.

-Yeah, you just hit a… Sensible spot. – I answered, realizing there was lust in my voice as well. -But, _please_ , continue.

Meredith looked up and I got lost in her beautiful blue eyes, there wasn't a smile on her face, she was just solemnly staring deep into my soul, stripping me down from any reservations I've had, she was telling me how connected we were at that moment, how what we had could never be untangled and that made me feel like I could finally breathe, I could finally stop being self-aware of every relationship I had, of every conversation I made, of every friend I chose to keep away from my personal life. She is the way for me to reach peace.

I leaned forward and connected our lips – I could never get over the butterflies on my stomach every time I kissed Meredith Grey – and soon enough the hand she once kept on my ribs, was now on the back of my neck as she pulled me closer, deepening our kiss as she brushed her warm and delicious tongue against my bottom lip. We battled over control, but that was a fight I was happy to lose.

Seconds after that, Meredith passed her left leg to the right side of my body as she set on my lap, making her dress went even higher, exposing her marvelous thighs to my grip. I massaged the region as she sucked my tongue, making me even hornier, but I was still very much aware of the singularity of this moment, and I should let her lead.

Meredith broke the kiss just so she could start kissing my jawline and my neck, it was the most amazing sensation in the world. I kept rubbing and squeezing her thighs, but it wasn’t enough anymore, I wanted to explore her body. I moved my hands up and grabbed her ass while she sucked the skin of my neck, we both moaning at the same time.

-Is this okay? – I asked, trying to make sure she was comfortable with what we were doing.

-Yes… Don’t stop. – She pleaded as she arched her back, grinding on my lap, asking for contact, and by doing so she exposed her cleavage to me. Before I could even take conscious of my acting, I had my lips kissing, licking, and sucking the exposed part of her breasts.

Her hands went straight to the back of my head, keeping me close as I continued to explore her body with my hands and lips. Meredith let out a moan so loud my body trembled in response. I wanted her, I wanted to fuck her so hard she would be sore in the next morning… But I couldn’t. I had to take things slow.

I turned around, now kissing her neck, just so I could lay her down on the couch. Meredith’s hand went to the front of my shirt, and I kneeled in front of her.

_Was she pushing me away?_

-We can stop if you’re not… - She didn’t let me finished, as she claimed my lips once more, making my eyes roll in my orbits. Meredith wasn’t pushing me away, she just wanted space to unbutton my shirt and soon enough the shirt flew across the room and she pulled me back to her, slowly turning her face so I could keep kissing her neck and collarbone. My hands went to the end of her dress. – May I?

Meredith nodded in agreement, she sat up so I could pull the dress over her head, and soon after that, I thought I would have a heart attack. Not even in my most vivid and detailed thoughts, I could’ve pictured her body as flawless as It was – her breasts filled a black lacy bra, her abdomen was tight, there were some scars on it, I guessed laparotomy and c-section scars, but it did not diminish the beauty of her body, it only made her more attractive for all I cared – and I took my time staring, open-mouthed, at the woman in front of me.

-You are so beautiful. – I let out in a whisper, my eyes covering the entire length of your body.

Our bodies were separated by inches now, as she came closer to me, her hands went on my waist, I studied her face, she bit her lower lip as she moved her hands towards my abs and then my ribs, making me moan and close my eyes. Meredith kissed the skin of my breasts, then my chest, and I was dizzy from desire.

-Cant I take this off? – She asked, both her hands at the button of my jeans.

-Absolutely. – I got up from the couch, she unbuttoned and unzipped it, pulling it towards my feet. Before I could go back to the couch, she kissed my lower abdomen, right at the waistband of my lacy white panties. Her kiss was wet and warm, she licked the region and I desperately wanted to touch myself, but I managed to restrain myself.

-Your skin is so soft. – She said, looking up. I took her face in my hands and kissed her passionately. I gently pushed her back to the couch, so she was comfortable, and placed one knee between her thighs, but as I continued to kiss her and leaned forward, my thigh rubbed against her _definitely_ wet center.

Meredith swang her hips so she could get more fiction against my skin, wetting my thigh with her juice. My own intimacy was pulsing with the amazing sensation. When she arched her back from pleasure, I moved my kiss to her neck and placed both my hands at her back so I could undo her bra, taking it off her body, uncovering her beautiful boobs. Drove my lips even lower until I had one _already_ hard nipple in my mouth.

-Fuck! – She screamed, grinding against my thigh. – I’m so close…

I rubbed my thumb against the other nipple and she was gasping for air, moaning aloud. I wanted to take more time with breasts, but I knew, buy her breathing and how wet she was, that she would cum in a few seconds, so I kept climbing down her body, kissing her chest, cleavage, abdomen, and flank.

My hands went straight to the waistband of her panties, but suddenly she stopped. All the moans and movements stop. Her hands were on top of mine.

-Stop! – She whispered. – Stop!

I looked up, confused.

-Stop! – She was shaky and there were tears in her eyes. – I can’t. I can’t Charlie, please stop!


End file.
